What Is Behind The Guilt Trip Of Taking Back A Cheater?

By now I’m sure that so many of the ladies reading this have sipped them enough Lemonade for a week. I have to be honest with you all, I have not listened or watched the new Beyoncé album. However, I do think I will get to it this weekend. I was recently in the “Big Easy” for a bachelor party and I just didn’t have a moment to check it out. I do see that it has sparked quite a bit of conversation. For years there has been speculation that Jay Z once cheated on Bey.

Apparently, from the abundance of posts that I’ve read, she addresses this in her new music.

If we fast forward to the end result then we see that Bey and Jay are still together.

One can conclude that she forgave him for violating the trust that they’ve built. This act of forgiveness is now front and center. In my opinion, it has many women feeling validated in their decision to stay with a cheater. It also has many women questioning if they should have let someone who cheated go.

Whether you’re a man or woman, we possess an ego.

I can imagine that being cheated on can definitely bruise someone’s ego. So for pride’s sake you struggle with forgiving and forgetting. On top of that, you don’t want to “reward” a bad behavior by staying with said person. On the flip side of this, there are obviously feelings still involved which by all means will cloud your judgment. Many times this results in someone staying with a cheater and many times being cheated on again.

The example that has been indirectly set by Bey has heightened women’s consciousness.

Now, more than ever, they see that you really can’t put any behavior past anyone. I mean if Beyoncé can get it then who can’t right? Since we live in such an information age, so many of our decisions are based on how they will be perceived. We are all damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

I don’t think this is spoken of much, but you seldom hear of a man openly admitting that he was cheated on. Furthermore, you hardly hear a man talk about staying with a woman after infidelity. This is mainly because it is believed that we cheat differently as genders. Men cheat out of physical desire, and a majority of women cheat out of emotional desire.

But the umbrella over all of this is perception.

A guy would seem weak for taking back a woman who cheated on him. I’m sure guys have done so, but I promise no one but their closest circle (if that) knew about it. For the ladies, they risk the possibility of being perceived as stupid pretty much. No one wants to be perceived that way. Women have enough on their plate as is.

What I think this Beyoncé project has done is allow women to sort of let go of that guilt. The finest women get cheated on as has been shown to be evident. But the dangerous thing is to not lose sight of your own situation. This is a case by case thing. What works for someone else does not mean it can work for you.

Jay and Bey are a great American success story.

Shout out to them for getting through it and growing through it. It does not mean that we can experience that same success. The same possibilities are still present. Taking someone back after being disrespected can still not be the smartest thing to do. Leaving a relationship that isn’t up to par can still be one of the best things to do. It’s touch and go and it’s only for you to figure out.

Beyoncé and her music, her art, her contribution, is still one person’s story.

Just as when I write about certain scenarios, it’s only my story. My reality. It will resonate with many and it will work out for some. Her only job was to put forth honest work and she did that obviously. Our jobs and our responsibility to ourselves is to be the best version of ourselves daily. We have to put put our most honest projects daily. We have to make the most prudent decisions. Those decisions don’t necessarily mean to follow what someone else has done.

The guilty feeling of dealing with infidelity stems so much from perception. Mrs. Carter has shed light on the power that women have in particular in this regard. She may have lessened the guilty feeling some may feel in taking someone back. Just know there is always more than one way to skin a cat. At the end of the day you need to make the right decision for you. A decision not based off of fear of perception but chock full of logic. If you do so, I’m hoping it yields you positive results.

What are your experiences with cheating and taking back exes? Are women getting carried away with the idea of taking back cheaters? Have you cheated? Did you deserve to be taken back? Why?

When you speak on my name by the way…..put some respek on it. I ain’t gon tell you no mo.

About Damnpops (6 Articles)
Pops is a staff writer currently at Brooklyn Buttah that's hoping to bring material that people can connect with. If it's a touchy subject, expect him to speak on it. You may have seen him featured on sites such as Single Black Male and Madame Noire. This Brooklynite has a passion to captivate people with words. Roll with him on this trip.

2 Comments on What Is Behind The Guilt Trip Of Taking Back A Cheater?

  1. This is on point. Thank you shedding light on the fact that Beyonce’s songs didn’t give women permission to tolerate cheating and work shit out. Every relationship is different and built like Beyonce Jay-Z’s. The character of the person should be a decision making factor in deciding if you should stay or go.


  2. I love this article, but I think you will def have another opinion once you see it. Not to say that you’re wrong by any means, but the video has so much more of a message than Cheating. on a deeper level, many speculate that Bey uses her album to give a timeless portrayal of the mishaps and misfortunes of the Black woman. And a cheating husband alludes to the ways she has been “cheated” in life. Her album chronicles the daily battles and how this magical Black Woman being is able to be beat down, yet forgiving and resilient…But to respond to your article (which I love), I would not be able to remain with a cheater. Even If i have forgiven, I won’t be able to move forward because the trust factor is gone. However, being married now, these issues may look different…so I guess my true response is that I hope I will never have to be faced with such an instance where I have to make the decision to stay or go.


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